I recently had a man write to me on my blog and ask me to send him my dirty panties. I'm not sure what he wanted them for. Maybe he's a bit of a clean freak and likes to wash and launder them and send them right back. Or maybe he doesn't.

But what quite annoyed me was that he wasn't prepared to pay for the privilege of sniffing my smalls. He claimed that he had not ejaculated for a month and wanted some lady bloggers who he was keen on to send him their panties so that he could have an explosive wank, maybe against a backdrop of fireworks on the forth of July?

It's that time of year again, when summer is heating up and barbecues are in full swing. Family and friends from all over will gather for food, fun and celebration. In preparation, I've composed a fun-filled list of games that everyone can enjoy as you celebrate our country's independence.

 NOTE: Read carefully and play at your own risk.

I read in the paper where a bald eagle in Idaho got an artificial beak because a poacher shot hers off.  Excuse me?

I know bald eagles are an endangered species and whatnot.  And I know it's not the eagle's fault she got shot ... but a prosthetic beak?  I don't want to sound like an insensitive prick ... but I call bullshit.

I see what's coming next.  The eagle can't procreate because the other bald eagles make fun of her new beak, call her names like "metal nose" and "big honker."

Recently, I walked into the bathroom to witness my son in the tub, peeing into a cup -- and giggling -- and I didn't know whether to be disgusted or proud.

So I was both.

Peeing in unusual spots is one of the primary benefits of being male, and one that countless males enjoy on a daily basis -- it's why we like camping so much. Yet the ability takes an unfortunately disgusting development path through boyhood. Upon discovering this ability, young boys take full advantage, peeing pretty much anywhere they see fit so long as it doesn't get them arrested. And even then that doesn't always matter.

A few years after unleasing Weapon X at Easter Brunch, Weapon X and her BFF #1 managed to break our Sega video game player. They both claimed innocence and still to this day admit they have no idea of HOW they broke it, just that they did. The hubs has never quite recovered -- he still mourns some of the games we can never play again. The kids loved the games, too, so I have to believe it was done without malice. But still, the tide was turning.

It turned fully a couple of years ago. BFF #1’s neighborhood does an annual Memorial Day Weekend bash. It's huge, well attended, and we’ve come as guests for years now. In addition to a pool, volleyball, shuffleboard and a rec room, this place also has a sauna.

Or it did.

So have you been to the website about Stuff White People Like yet? Well I have, and let me tell you I was sure it would offend even me, since I have been a white girl for, well, practically my entire life.

I say practically because there was that one summer back in the 80's when I tried looking black by corn-rowing my hair and using self-tanner.

There are limits to everything.  Speed.  My ex-wife's patience.  The number of marshmallows I can stuff in my mouth at the same time.

There are even limits to non-corporeal ideas.  Such as blessings.

How many times does something have to be blessed before you're good to go?  

During the first year I dated one of my boyfriends there were moments when I felt insecure. He was very handsome and looked like those old pictures of the Marlboro Man. And I did that Girl Thing where you wonder if they're as satisfied with your looks as you are with theirs.

After a while I remembered he had dated a Miss Universe and a Miss Hawaiian Tropic before he met me and I had met his ex-wife, who was extremely pretty. So then I started wondering if he was handsome enough for me. I eventually came to the realization that like water seeking its own level, attractiveness must do the same thing. Take a look at your partner; I'd guess you're both pretty evenly matched up.